Bubba,

At midnight tonight, after I had gotten ready for bed and daddy was asleep and the house was dark and quiet, I tiptoed into your room and put my hand on your back like I always do- to check for your breathing. After holding my own breath until I found yours, I swept you up into my arms and carried you to the rocking chair. I placed your head against my heart and rocked you as I cried.
I had much reason to cry, you know. I cried because today you are a day older than yesterday. I cried because you’re 2 days older than the day before that, and I cried because you’re 3 days older than the day before that. I rocked and rocked as I whispered “I love you little boy”. I hoped that you heard me. But even so, the words do no justice.
You were upset tonight as I was brushing your teeth. You usually love to brush your teeth, but tonight you would have rather gone back to the park. I was selfish, though, and told you that I wanted you to sleep instead. I wanted a breather from the rather long day I had, and nothing is more peaceful to me than sitting in your dark room with your fish tank humming and watching your eyes drift off. Sometimes you whisper my name while you sleep. Sometimes you whisper dada’s. I like to think that you’re dreaming of the best parts of the day with us. Like the times we dance in the kitchen together- -you just won’t let us dance apart- you put your little arm around my neck and you call dada over and put your other arm around his, and we dance and sing and laugh til we’re sweaty and tired. Those are moments of pure bliss to me. And bliss sometimes brings tears. Good tears.
I never knew I could love so much, so deeply, so whole-heartedly. It’s not something I can explain except to say that in you, I have a home. That is why I come into your room and take you out of your warm bed just to rock you. And that, my son, is why your hair is sopping wet right now.
I just love you.

Things that made my heart go *flit flit*

..when J lets me take his picture. Happens once in a blue moon.



Uploading pictures from a couple weeks ago- and finding a few gems.










My boy being high on life... and measuring tape.



A sleeping baby in a peaceful room. Almost makes me want to wake him up to squeeze him. Almost.



Feeling baby girl move around in my tummy, and imagining the day they lay her on my heart.

Feeling very content today.

*sorry for the edited post, google readers..

a couple videos

Jaxon's out of breath and laughing just watching this...

Some of Bubba's latest phrases:

"Whoa- what's that?"

"Whoa- look at that!"

"I shut the door."

"Thank you."

"I wanna walk!"

"It's a baby!"

Captured a couple of these on this video...

Super sorry for the shakiness.. I must've been 3 years old here.

My good friend from back home is making and selling thee cutest skirt/shirt combos. Go check out her etsy shop here:

5 things...

... that happened this week which made me very aware of my pregnancy..

I told J that I was so full that I was afraid my pants were going to bust. His suggestion: "Then unnzip your pants." My reply: "They've been unzipped since the moment I pulled them on this morning." Tsk tsk. Dang zipper can't even clear one notch without screaming all the profanities in the book.

Noticed that I'm not growing a baby only in my tummy, but also a baby in each thigh, cheek, and love handle. Really- I think I even felt the one in my left love handle kick this morning. I've also noticed a rapid weight gain, much of which was delivered to my lips, throwing off any possible balance of my face. As if I wasn't made fun of enough in school for having Angelina Jolie lips.

J, Jax and I went on a walk last night and J took his skateboard. He started off like a pro, but once he had to make a downhill turn, his body started spazzin like nothing I’ve ever seen before. He looked like a flailing fish. It was so hilarious to me I had to stop walking and hold completely still in order to keep control of my bodily functions. Then as soon as J screamed like a lady and completely flew off the skateboard and onto the grass, he looked at me standing there with tears running down my face (laughter/nervousness). He said “Babe, don’t be mad that I went into a perfectly controlled slide.” With that comment, I crouched down in the middle of the street and laughed until I sobbed, while flexing my little heart out. Eventually I felt in control enough to run into the house.. This pregnancy bladder thing is not workin for me so much. (Apologies to any neighbors who may have seen my dangerous stunt. I'll try not to get into the fetal position in the middle of the street again.. flailing husband or not.)


okay so I realize this picture has nothing to do with the last story- except for the skateboard part- but I had to include it cause I just didn't expect to come up with this result in google images. too good.


I’ve dropped my giant glass of ice water on the floor 3 times within the last 30 seconds… crrrrrraaaa… make that 4… and instead of considering bending over and wiping the water up, I’m fervently praying it evaporates into a storm cloud.

Bought two 3-pound bags of Fruities last Monday. In my attempt to start and finish them all within the hour, I filled my shirt and took them to the couch with me so I could snack during '24'. After about 4 or 5 of them, J told me I shouldn't eat anymore (bad for my teeth.. yadda yadda yadda), so with a tear in my eye and a knife in my heart I dropped the one that was to be devoured next. 10 minutes later I look to my left and there's a heap of empty wrappers. J ate them all... about 30 of them, give or take. So grateful that he'll sacrifice his own teeth to keep me healthy and.. ahem.. happy.

Ode to mom.

Do I have to get so emotional? I've only written the title, and the water works are already starting. Geez. Get a hold of yourself Lar! Okay, we all know that's not gonna happen, so here goes..

It's mother's day. And those of you who know me probably have heard a thing or two - or loads about my mom. I could talk for hours about the things she has shown me and taught me that no one else could. I know all my siblings would, too. We are a lucky bunch.

I have never yearned to be like a person as much as I yearn to be like my mom. As I grew up I could never find fault in her - sometimes to my dismay. I always knew that if I was doing anything that my mom wouldn't do, I was in the wrong. Do you remember the WWJD bracelets and keychains that were the absolute bomb in Jr High? I remember looking at my hot pink beauty one day and thinking that if it said WWMD, you'd come up with the same result. With my mom, I have never doubted that. I always saw her as the epitome of the perfect woman, and I knew if I followed in her footsteps, that I'd inevitably following the Saviors' as well- for she never strays from His path. I wish for her to be at the front of the pack when He comes again... but in my mind I know better. She'll be the one in the back helping to carry everyone else to the front.

Cheers to my mom, my example, my angel, my friend. I love you.

Not trying to kill the mood or anything, but I must document that I saw a bumper sticker that said WWBBD? Out of guesses? What would Brian Boitano do... *cricket* *cricket* ...

(And no, friend, I wouldn't know where you could buy one.)

Oh BABY! It's a...

We found out the gender of the baby today...



... looks like we'll be twirlin with a little GIRL before we know it!


So happy.

Seasons of change...

Bubs turned 16 months this past weekend. I'm beyond shocked..
But I'm comforted because even though he's growing older- he's not losing his affectionate side (yet).

Hopefully he never does...



He cannot play with his trucks longer than 5 minutes without stopping and coming over to lay a big smooch on me. He twirls my hair when I hold him, and he locks his arms around my neck when giving me loves. I was always afraid I'd have a boy who didn't want to show affection, but he is the most loving little boy I've ever seen.. I'm so glad he lets me smother him with love too.

Saturday I was taking a nice bath and reading a book when the bathroom door slowly opened and in walked little Jax holding his arm straight out to me- handing me a little pink flower. He had the biggest smile on his face, and ran out of the room to go get another one. Every time he came in beaming with another little flower I almost cried. Now those little flowers are pressed between the pages of my book, and I will treasure them forever. Those little things are my greatest joys.

He's him again.

Thank you thank you thank you to everybody praying for our special little boy. Last night was admittedly the hardest night of J and my lives (probably Jax's too).. He didn't want us to touch him, yet he wanted us to hold him, he screamed for hours with eyes closed and his arms punching and flailing, and his little body thrashing about. Everything we tried to do would only make him more upset. It was not our little boy- I've never ever seen our sweet guy like that, and it was terrifying. But the last temperature we took before he finally went to sleep was..



98.6



No doubt in my mind that it was due to your prayers. God is good, and He loves us.